About jesse91 : I'm a 22 year old gamer who is also interested in psychology, movies, comics and history.
I'm a big fan of Assassins Creed and Mass Effect, among many others.
Get out of my swamp you kids!
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Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14043) - you deserved it (8477)
On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8212) - you deserved it (17153)
On 09/02/2012 at 6:07am - kids - by The Horrible Older Sister - United States (Arizona)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8781) - you deserved it (27016)
On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)
Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12563) - you deserved it (2826)
On 09/02/2012 at 2:27am - health - by CC - United States (Michigan)
Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19034) - you deserved it (1057)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:15pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13603) - you deserved it (32010)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24301) - you deserved it (7313)
On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17844) - you deserved it (1582)
On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16434) - you deserved it (1215)
On 08/12/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14442) - you deserved it (1556)
On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML
I agree, your life sucks (36073) - you deserved it (1980)
On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (6853)
On 08/12/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by FlorenceD - United States (Texas)
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24377) - you deserved it (6203)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10549) - you deserved it (32412)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26660) - you deserved it (1431)
On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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