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jesse91

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jesse91
  • Town/Country : Australia
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 9 July 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 3124
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About jesse91 : I'm a 22 year old gamer who is also interested in psychology, languages, movies, comics and history.

I'm a big fan of Dragon Age, Assassins Creed and Mass Effect, among many others.

Get out of my swamp you kids!

jesse91's last visitors

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jesse91's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

See all of jesse91's badges

jesse91's favorite FMLs

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

#18703158
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8792) - you deserved it (58830)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:28am - money - by hitchhiked - United States (California)

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

#18687343
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10116) - you deserved it (28623)

On 01/02/2012 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

#18673458
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30339) - you deserved it (2198)

On 01/01/2012 at 8:51am - misc - by Grandson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#18664843
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31973) - you deserved it (2330)

On 12/31/2011 at 3:37pm - misc - by yourebeautiful - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

#18631764
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24287) - you deserved it (4001)

On 12/28/2011 at 2:57am - health - by Fatty - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

#18626777
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39798) - you deserved it (2059)

On 12/27/2011 at 5:32pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

#18624102
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28384) - you deserved it (2578)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:53am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

#18623946
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24236) - you deserved it (4868)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:20am - intimacy - by gtfoocd (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

#18620963
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30260) - you deserved it (4097)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by maddie - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

#18613210
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10949) - you deserved it (44121)

On 12/26/2011 at 1:35am - misc - by Paige - United States (California)

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (45861)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17897) - you deserved it (4926)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7690) - you deserved it (40987)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9979) - you deserved it (25327)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML

#18553944
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22132) - you deserved it (4964)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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