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jbrister111

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jbrister111

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  • Number of visits : 159
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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jbrister111's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of jbrister111's badges

jbrister111's favorite FMLs

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37510) - you deserved it (3045)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36405) - you deserved it (7252)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39827) - you deserved it (5621)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49506) - you deserved it (4712)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59909) - you deserved it (5136)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44294) - you deserved it (19869)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

#20950523
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49658) - you deserved it (4058)

On 11/08/2013 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by JN5SLK (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

#20921961
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39263) - you deserved it (2822)

On 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm - health - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48788) - you deserved it (6379)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39613) - you deserved it (2949)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50364) - you deserved it (8712)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38364) - you deserved it (6444)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60530) - you deserved it (9142)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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