jbfan23100

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jbfan23100

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 April 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3438
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jbfan23100's page activity

Visits<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 8:32am<b>Nichao</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 9:42pm

jbfan23100's FML badges

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jbfan23100's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

by yuckspider / 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML

by ZachooMackoo / 04/09/2009 at 10:15pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

by heytherexo / 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

by gentileman / 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

by Noname / 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

by mugs / 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

by Noname / 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

by ubbernoob / 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

by Jessie / 02/23/2009 at 3:08am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

by Lesley / 02/16/2009 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Kids

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

by da man / 02/11/2009 at 6:38am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 6:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals