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jazzminemoody's favorite FMLs
by :| / 09/12/2013 at 6:27pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
by Frenchie / 09/12/2013 at 5:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML
by whyme / 09/12/2013 at 10:44am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by ugh Buck! / 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Animals
Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML
by CityBoysNow / 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Iskylite / 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML
by RoommateWanted / 09/10/2013 at 5:02pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Animals
Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML
by PartTimePrincess / 09/10/2013 at 10:56am / United States / Money
Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Money
by anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Renagirl / 09/09/2013 at 8:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML
by jessel_ladd92 / 09/09/2013 at 2:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the… Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test… Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said…