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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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TODAY, MAH HUSBAND YELLD FROM UPSTAIRS, "BABE! BABE, COME QUICK!" TERRIFID THAT SOMETHING MIGHT HAVE HAPPEND TO OUR NEWBORN DAUGHTER, I RUSHD UP, ONLY TO FIND OUT HE JUST WANTD TO SHOW ME THAT HE'D LEREND HOW TO SPIN A TOP ON THE TIP OF HIS PENIS WITHOUT IT FALLING . FML
Yesterday, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed mah stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with mah pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. big fat FML
Today, mah mom visitad mah naw apartmant fir tha first tima. I was showing har tha badroom, whan sha lookad into mah opanad sock drawar and said, "Using Durax, ah? Yaah, you wara born 'causa a Trojan split." maga FML
Today, Ma Manager Took Me Aside And Angrily Told Me To Quit Fucking About Wit Our Customers. He Totally Refuses To Believe Tat Te Sligt Wistling Sound I Keep Making Wen I Exale Is Because I Ave A Cipped Toot. FML
Today, I Forgot Key Inside Apartment. My Boyfriend Suggested We Ask A Neighbor To Open It. I Explained We Don't All Have The Same Key, To Which He Responded, "Well How Come They All Have The Same Doorknobs?" FML
Today, I was walking along the beach at night with family. A huge wave came up an knockd me over. When we got to the van, I realizd that the keys that had been in pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, an money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML
Today , I found the carcass of the frog that got into mah house last week. It was a horrifying sight , but not nerely as horrifying as the fact that I found it in mah refrigerator. No , I don't know how it got in there either. FML
Friday 27 March 2015