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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jayfx

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jayfx
  • Town/Country : Vancouver, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 16 April 1989 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 46567
  • Number of comments : 176
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jayfx's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

#963370 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (13461) - you deserved it (49160)

On 04/14/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by khood (man) - United States

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

#537010 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (71922) - you deserved it (13501)

On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

#536418 (277)

I agree, your life sucks (108270) - you deserved it (5866)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

#516952 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (44914) - you deserved it (9228)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047 (1012)

I agree, your life sucks (404593) - you deserved it (241665)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

#284882 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (45247) - you deserved it (21559)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (43640) - you deserved it (78427)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363028) - you deserved it (401370)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337 (157)

I agree, your life sucks (51940) - you deserved it (13170)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348 (392)

I agree, your life sucks (296706) - you deserved it (22886)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

#214714 (255)

I agree, your life sucks (67961) - you deserved it (6531)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by saltinawound (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML

#213290 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (10226) - you deserved it (36064)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:21pm - health - by katzperiod (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

#185544 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (60410) - you deserved it (12474)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by ohmygoodness (woman) - United States (Ohio)