About jasonmar : Hi my names jason. I'm from Salt Lake City, Utah but am currently living in Shanghai, China. FML keeps me sane on those rough China days!
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jasonmar's favorite FMLs
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
by Kristin / 01/02/2011 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
by fulloshit / 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Allie / 06/03/2010 at 2:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML
by GrossedOutKary / 05/19/2010 at 3:20pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
by ilovesocks / 01/20/2010 at 1:17am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a trainee who recently arrived in a prestigious company. My boss walked in on me sorting… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…