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Today, I had a dream inhich I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off,hile in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party 4 a bunc of eigt year olds. One of tem decided it'd be funny to ave a contest to see wo could make te most bubble wit tere farts. It led to tree kids sitting temselve in te pool, and me aving te dubiou onor of cleaning it up. fat FML
Today I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI . My dad now won't shut up about it saying stuff like "You must be 'pissed'" "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain" an "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics son" allhile making obnoxious finger quotes in the air . mega FML
2day I was at the arport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband . Thinking that someone might steal them , I picked up her bags and brought them over to her . She thanked me by slapping me , calling me a bitch and calling security . FML
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce mah parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and mah boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them wat was wrong cuz I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating mah dad's drug dealer. FML
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am feeling freezing cold an soaking wet. It turns out that my dad had opened my window when I was sleeping, an rain water had been pouring in on me all night. My hair, face, pillow, blankets, alarm clock, an homework were all looool soaked as well. FML
Today... I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out... I snatchd a pair of my wife's panties. Later... we had a cook out 4 my birthday... where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015