jagd

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jagd

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 836
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jagd : I see you've found my profile. I guess you want to know about me, just note that after you read this you can never leave.

My name's jake
Im 19 years old
I'm blonde
I'm also kinda stupid, but that has nothing due to the fact that I'm blonde
I once ate my own head
I fart rainbows

Enjoy!

jagd's page activity

Visits<b>bluecabose</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 7:41pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 12:10pm<b>DalekWarrior26</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 9:51pm<b>mhterp90</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 4:04pm<b>Jiplo</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 7:24pm<b>SoccerRichard</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 12:08pm<b>hatemyluck</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 6:04pm<b>gallaeo</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 9:54am<b>rokolodo</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 12:03am<b>xxmollyxx</b> - the 02/15/2011 at 7:14am<b>Zebidee</b> - the 12/01/2010 at 9:26am

jagd's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jagd's favorite FMLs

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

by skyhawk13 / 10/30/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

by Heww / 09/28/2009 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 12:01am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

by Ouch / 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

by embarrassed / 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

by Hackmanjones / 06/13/2009 at 10:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

by Alex / 03/26/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love