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jagd

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jagd

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 722
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About jagd : I see you've found my profile. I guess you want to know about me, just note that after you read this you can never leave.

My name's jake
Im 19 years old
I'm blonde
I'm also kinda stupid, but that has nothing due to the fact that I'm blonde
I once ate my own head
I fart rainbows

Enjoy!

jagd's page activity

Visits<b>Jiplo</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 7:24pm<b>SoccerRichard</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 12:08pm<b>hatemyluck</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 6:04pm<b>gallaeo</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 9:54am<b>rokolodo</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 12:03am<b>xxmollyxx</b> - the 02/15/2011 at 7:14am<b>Zebidee</b> - the 12/01/2010 at 9:26am

jagd's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jagd's favorite FMLs

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

#14659588
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14563) - you deserved it (26622)

On 01/21/2011 at 6:41am - love - by gummy bear -

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

#14263079
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37518) - you deserved it (5946)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by hotmommy -

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

#14232649
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29373) - you deserved it (3474)

On 12/17/2010 at 4:48am - health - by dmsmcd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

#14208916
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37294) - you deserved it (3804)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58153) - you deserved it (10586)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

#13978188
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24770) - you deserved it (5506)

On 11/25/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

#13801647
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18175) - you deserved it (7830)

On 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm - work - by MrsKSB - United States (Texas)

Today, I need to find a way to explain to my 5, 7 and 12 year old kids their uncle wants to become their aunt. FML

#13773002
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50884) - you deserved it (9688)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

#13697892
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56148) - you deserved it (12101)

On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26630) - you deserved it (5139)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

#9070560
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23770) - you deserved it (10050)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

#8612395
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23219) - you deserved it (4106)

On 02/24/2010 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

#7565920
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17105) - you deserved it (2181)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - intimacy - by emergency (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12271) - you deserved it (35717)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

#6364461
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7353) - you deserved it (33735)

On 11/19/2009 at 1:10am - kids - by fail (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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