jaffas

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jaffas

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 64
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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jaffas's FML badges

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

jaffas's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

by GlowInTheDark / 12/09/2011 at 2:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

by thatisnotcool45 / 12/09/2011 at 12:22am / Canada / Love

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

by lebato97 / 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

by picklemonger / 12/08/2011 at 2:58pm / Canada / Transportation

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

by journey_Jeanne / 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2011 at 1:43pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 8:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy