About jaded_seattle : I don't speak Taco bell menu.
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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
jaded_seattle's favorite FMLs
by kirrby / 11/12/2011 at 1:41am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by devinchi / 11/11/2011 at 3:42am / United States / Health
Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML
by bethany / 11/03/2011 at 1:36pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML
by Czechplease / 11/03/2011 at 10:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Tyler Smith / 11/03/2011 at 7:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML
by Grounded / 11/03/2011 at 5:18am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML
by ...loud noises...urgh... / 11/02/2011 at 12:39pm / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML
by miley098 / 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML
by brie / 11/02/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 11:15am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML
by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by S. Bauer / 11/02/2011 at 9:50am / Portugal / Love
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML
by ugadawgs09 / 11/02/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…