jaded_seattle

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Offline (the 09/16/2016 at 8:42am)

jaded_seattle

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 27 April 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4390
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About jaded_seattle : I don't speak Taco bell menu.

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jaded_seattle's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

by kirrby / 11/12/2011 at 1:41am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

by devinchi / 11/11/2011 at 3:42am / United States / Health

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

by bethany / 11/03/2011 at 1:36pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

by Czechplease / 11/03/2011 at 10:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

by Tyler Smith / 11/03/2011 at 7:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

by Grounded / 11/03/2011 at 5:18am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

by ...loud noises...urgh... / 11/02/2011 at 12:39pm / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

by miley098 / 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML

by brie / 11/02/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 11:15am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

by S. Bauer / 11/02/2011 at 9:50am / Portugal / Love

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

by ugadawgs09 / 11/02/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy