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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jackpea

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jackpea
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 351
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jackpea's favorite FMLs

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

#322289 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (25532) - you deserved it (61933)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (11172) - you deserved it (123300)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (11509) - you deserved it (85409)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

#318032 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (57548) - you deserved it (7555)

On 03/14/2009 at 5:46am - love - by knee2tak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

#310419 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (8936) - you deserved it (89918)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as things were heating up, my closet door flew open and my little brother ran out screaming, "Mom, they're doing it, come quick!" My mom paid my 9 year old brother to spy on me. FML

#309354 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (100701) - you deserved it (11937)

On 03/13/2009 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by evanescence (man) - United States (California)

Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML

#303053 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (68412) - you deserved it (5924)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Misc. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

#301590 (46)

I agree, your life sucks (40386) - you deserved it (9354)

On 03/13/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (173104) - you deserved it (30407)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733 (538)

I agree, your life sucks (34531) - you deserved it (220477)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

#279644 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (73382) - you deserved it (10227)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - intimacy - by Noname - Philippines (Cebu City)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (18388) - you deserved it (60684)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

#278684 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (67640) - you deserved it (3613)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by uncomfortable (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363041) - you deserved it (401387)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (19556) - you deserved it (72185)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)