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itsss_courtney's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 1:42am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
by FilthyIke / 08/21/2009 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by somebodyelse / 08/17/2009 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML
by vanguardwiley / 07/24/2009 at 2:40am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of 2 years called and proposed to her. FML
by jadkins / 07/06/2009 at 3:33pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML
by alynn / 05/29/2009 at 9:59am / United States (Florida) / Money
Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 11:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by NoValentine / 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by william / 01/22/2009 at 6:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…
- Today, at daycare, a mother congratulated me for having such a kind and well-behaved little girl.… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…