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Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15531) - you totally deserved it (2837)
On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)
Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5625) - you totally deserved it (26427)
On 10/16/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by smarty (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at soccer camp and was hit in the face with a ball. I walked to the nurse and asked for a napkin or tissues to help stop the bleeding. The only thing she could come up with? A tampon. I spent 20 minutes with a tampon shoved up my nostril in front of my laughing teammates. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14862) - you totally deserved it (1680)
On 10/12/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5492) - you totally deserved it (17858)
On 10/12/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by n_london (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20352) - you totally deserved it (5050)
On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5515) - you totally deserved it (23481)
On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6127) - you totally deserved it (34201)
On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from a mobile version
Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, 'I know you're faking. You can stop now.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (3365) - you totally deserved it (30954)
On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8244) - you totally deserved it (17772)
On 10/10/2009 at 12:25am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17926) - you totally deserved it (6206)
On 10/09/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17618) - you totally deserved it (4214)
On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15927) - you totally deserved it (5957)
On 10/09/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by two-hours-to-pick-up (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27804) - you totally deserved it (3737)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by alphabetman (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32426) - you totally deserved it (2236)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7524) - you totally deserved it (18930)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by nickname (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
