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Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16929) - you totally deserved it (3770)
On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23410) - you totally deserved it (1881)
On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
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On 08/26/2009 at 3:09am - love - by micahmatt (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27328) - you totally deserved it (901)
On 08/23/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by violatedinden (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
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On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I pet her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML
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On 08/12/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by jennabean (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42439) - you totally deserved it (2955)
On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36189) - you totally deserved it (15861)
On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37460) - you totally deserved it (4656)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
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On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34010) - you totally deserved it (5449)
On 06/17/2009 at 10:06am - love - by yashmoshin1 (man) - United States
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112707) - you totally deserved it (11735)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (12119) - you totally deserved it (196138)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML
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On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47639) - you totally deserved it (16150)
On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
