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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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intoxicant

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intoxicant
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 August 1993 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 8328
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About intoxicant : i'm grungerabbit, yeyyey [grungerabbit.com]

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intoxicant's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

#4679110 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (34978) - you deserved it (98523)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

#4330249 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (69485) - you deserved it (14724)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

#4212486 (80)

I agree, your life sucks (28892) - you deserved it (6460)

On 08/01/2009 at 7:13pm - misc - by Rachel247 (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (33407) - you deserved it (4692)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

#4122629 (241)

I agree, your life sucks (32639) - you deserved it (12980)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:03am - money - by BigFoot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (42478) - you deserved it (6055)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (5402) - you deserved it (77042)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

#4081903 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (33233) - you deserved it (6572)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by fedexed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that by brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of warcraft money. FML

#4073449 (233)

I agree, your life sucks (55611) - you deserved it (3057)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Anon (woman) - Singapore

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (43537) - you deserved it (10408)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

#4052312 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (6861) - you deserved it (58676)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:25am - misc - by racchhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

#4044243 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (40413) - you deserved it (5031)

On 07/26/2009 at 12:37am - intimacy - by PTKFML (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (59268) - you deserved it (5183)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

#3978277 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (34213) - you deserved it (5588)

On 07/23/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by Prego my ego - Sent from mobile version

Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803 (274)

I agree, your life sucks (45482) - you deserved it (5883)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)