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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML
Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML
Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML
Friday 22 May 2015