imortal20

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imortal20

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1266
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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imortal20's page activity

Visits<b>ThirteenThirteen</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 1:14pm<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 7:43pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 10:51am<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 11:10pm<b>ijustgiveup</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:00am<b>ManlyGoldfish</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 11:42am<b>xRake</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 11:11pm<b>aria78</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 9:46am<b>SubmersedFool</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 12:41pm

imortal20's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

imortal20's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

by youreajoker / 11/10/2010 at 5:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 2:28am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

by Username / 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm / Kids

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

by human torch / 03/18/2010 at 11:22am / United States / Health

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

by anonymous / 03/09/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

by amireallyloved / 02/17/2010 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

by amireallyloved / 02/17/2010 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

by lynn / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

by CrappyValentine / 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love

Today, I was shopping at Walmart when I ran into this stalker chick. She introduced me to her baby. He's named after me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2010 at 12:48am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

by Tuffgunsmoke / 02/04/2010 at 2:22am / Health