imnotbatman

Search for a member

imnotbatman

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1214
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About imnotbatman : Hey :D I want to put something witty in this box, but I can't think of anything.

Uhm, Im socially awkward and I love mashed potatoes :D

imnotbatman's page activity

Visits<b>LovesSushi</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 12:36pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 12/22/2012 at 5:35am

imnotbatman's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of imnotbatman's badges

imnotbatman's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 1:17pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

by hardtotell / 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

by mcdman / 01/19/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

by brileyyyy / 01/11/2010 at 10:40pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

by driver / 01/06/2010 at 9:55am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2009 at 3:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

by Fail / 11/21/2009 at 12:59am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

by oldlady / 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

by LC / 11/03/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 11:25pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

by MissMSE / 09/18/2009 at 4:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

by cachow / 09/06/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

by nofriends / 08/26/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Health