immortal628

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immortal628

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 12 May 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1441
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About immortal628 : I'm Jeremy. I'm a musician above all else, but I'm fairly certain there are other things I enjoy as well. I'm easy to talk to and I enjoy meeting new people. I am, however spoken for and I don't see that changing. So those are the basics. Ask if you wanna know more.

immortal628's page activity

Visits<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 9:23pm<b>rebphil18</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:40am<b>Raltizal</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 7:09pm<b>dreadlocmask</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:19pm<b>Fennex3</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 4:46pm<b>yehyeh</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 1:47am<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 10:55am<b>ariastyles12</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 5:53am<b>grayfmlbear</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 11:53pm<b>FiFiLovee</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 10:11pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 12/07/2011 at 10:50pm<b>azkollias08</b> - the 10/13/2011 at 8:56pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 10/12/2011 at 6:42am<b>KirstyDragon</b> - the 10/04/2011 at 8:15pm<b>Eviemeli</b> - the 09/26/2011 at 7:01pm<b>fthislyfe</b> - the 09/11/2011 at 10:26am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:05pm<b>onefinemess</b> - the 09/03/2011 at 8:14pm

immortal628's FML badges

Socialite

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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of immortal628's badges

immortal628's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

by funnymanjoe / 09/14/2011 at 7:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

by jumpedjogger / 09/14/2011 at 4:34am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

by skitzobiatch69 / 09/13/2011 at 1:07pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

by Not_you17 / 09/09/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Georgia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

by waj9876 / 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

by Stuck / 09/08/2011 at 6:00am / United States / Health

Today, after falling on my way out the door, hitting a bird with my car, and sitting in an hour and a half of traffic, I remembered I had the day off work. FML

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

by sadsadperson / 09/07/2011 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

by b3ardown23 / 09/06/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML

by Username / 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

by thefrightening1 / 09/05/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, my boss stared at me from behind while I made hand gestures and noises at a toaster. I was pretending to be Magneto. FML

by dragos_dgt / 09/02/2011 at 3:48am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Work

Today, I found out that getting caught in a barbed wire fence isn't as bad as it sounds. Running through a forest at night, tripping over one, rolling down an embankment, and getting swiped by a car, however, is. FML

by Why_Not31 / 09/01/2011 at 5:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids