immortal628

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immortal628

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 12 May 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1505
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About immortal628 : I'm Jeremy. I'm a musician above all else, but I'm fairly certain there are other things I enjoy as well. I'm easy to talk to and I enjoy meeting new people. I am, however spoken for and I don't see that changing. So those are the basics. Ask if you wanna know more.

immortal628's page activity

Visits<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 9:23pm<b>rebphil18</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:40am<b>Raltizal</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 7:09pm<b>dreadlocmask</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:19pm<b>Fennex3</b> - the 01/31/2015 at 4:46pm<b>yehyeh</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 1:47am<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 10:55am<b>ariastyles12</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 5:53am<b>grayfmlbear</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 11:53pm<b>FiFiLovee</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 10:11pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 12/07/2011 at 10:50pm<b>azkollias08</b> - the 10/13/2011 at 8:56pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 10/12/2011 at 6:42am<b>KirstyDragon</b> - the 10/04/2011 at 8:15pm<b>Eviemeli</b> - the 09/26/2011 at 7:01pm<b>fthislyfe</b> - the 09/11/2011 at 10:26am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:05pm<b>onefinemess</b> - the 09/03/2011 at 8:14pm

immortal628's FML badges

Socialite

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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

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immortal628's favorite FMLs

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

by StaplerScared / 11/08/2011 at 9:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

by lprocter1982 / 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

by ifeeldirty / 10/27/2011 at 8:22am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 1:43am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

by optimistic2628 / 10/19/2011 at 10:03am / United States / Kids

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

by stdpositivenow / 10/18/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML

by BackAndForth / 10/18/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

by jzappe / 10/10/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 11:36am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

by xoccerplaya / 10/06/2011 at 6:46am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

by pixiebubz / 10/05/2011 at 11:59pm / Australia / Health