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About immortal628 : I'm Jeremy. I'm a musician above all else, but I'm fairly certain there are other things I enjoy as well. I'm easy to talk to and I enjoy meeting new people. I am, however spoken for and I don't see that changing. So those are the basics. Ask if you wanna know more.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Fingerprints everywhere
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20710) - you deserved it (5717)
On 11/08/2011 at 9:39am - misc - by StaplerScared - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23234) - you deserved it (1752)
On 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by lprocter1982 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10039) - you deserved it (2352)
On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31655) - you deserved it (3731)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (3380)
On 10/26/2011 at 1:43am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (5309) - you deserved it (8472)
On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10078) - you deserved it (1956)
On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30062) - you deserved it (5613)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40681) - you deserved it (3217)
On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I thought I'd be helpful and pick up my Dad's car from the repairs shop for him while he was at work. So, on my own, I hopped in my car and I drove the 15 minutes out to the shop. Only upon arriving did I consider the situation I'd put myself in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5829) - you deserved it (28688)
On 10/18/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by BackAndForth (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13385) - you deserved it (3724)
On 10/10/2011 at 11:34pm - health - by jzappe - United States (California)
Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38677) - you deserved it (5262)
On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5157) - you deserved it (6944)
Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14323) - you deserved it (7244)
On 10/06/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by xoccerplaya - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9422) - you deserved it (16885)
On 10/05/2011 at 11:59pm - health - by pixiebubz - Australia
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