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iluvwaffles42

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iluvwaffles42
  • Town/Country : yo momma, texas
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 October 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 714
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About iluvwaffles42 : My name's Jesus. You can call me Jesus or Jesus (wutever floats your boat):D . I love waffles especially the Belgian kind with vanilla(; . I'm also a ninja but that's supposed to be a secret>;). Ketchup=yum but pickles are gross and mustard, relish and mayonnaise are too xP. I had a pet rock named Eduaro but he ran away:,( so I don't have any pets anymore. Also, please don't stalk me. It's a little creepy-.-. Messages will be ignored.(i only use the mobile app):D but other than that, I'm a pretty chill dude and I can be funny at times.

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iluvwaffles42's favorite FMLs

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

#18622052
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6274) - you deserved it (45678)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Yo mom - United States (California)

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

#18617176
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (3538)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (45860)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25098) - you deserved it (2030)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

#18559363
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40085) - you deserved it (4836)

On 12/20/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Pimpleeater (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9979) - you deserved it (25327)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

#18520175
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (4037)

On 12/15/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by 2285morgan - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

#18519378
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19358) - you deserved it (4886)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm - misc - by Grubendol - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

#18513189
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18035) - you deserved it (22232)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

#18512301
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6058) - you deserved it (27576)

On 12/14/2011 at 4:21pm - work - by sharon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46330) - you deserved it (7418)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22828) - you deserved it (2798)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

#18396492
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26071) - you deserved it (2886)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML

#18393889
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27687) - you deserved it (2993)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:55pm - misc - by Madi - United States (California)



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