iluvwaffles42

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iluvwaffles42

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 October 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1545
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About iluvwaffles42 : My name's Jesus. You can call me Jesus or Jesus (wutever floats your boat):D . I love waffles especially the Belgian kind with vanilla(; . I'm also a ninja but that's supposed to be a secret>;). Ketchup=yum but pickles are gross and mustard, relish and mayonnaise are too xP. I had a pet rock named Eduaro but he ran away:,( so I don't have any pets anymore. Also, please don't stalk me. It's a little creepy-.-. Messages will be ignored.(i only use the mobile app):D but other than that, I'm a pretty chill dude and I can be funny at times.

iluvwaffles42's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

iluvwaffles42's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

by embarrassed / 01/30/2012 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

by GothicbunnyxC / 01/28/2012 at 6:31pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

by messyvictor / 01/28/2012 at 11:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

by ChevRooon / 01/26/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 11:45am / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry it gets better." FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my boyfriend is so seldom romantic that it actually makes me uncomfortable when he says something cute. FML

by sad life / 01/26/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Love

Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

by talkingtoaretard / 01/25/2012 at 12:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML

by me / 01/24/2012 at 10:40pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

by SpongeAbii2 / 01/24/2012 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2012 at 5:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

by cheerymama / 01/22/2012 at 7:49pm / United States / Health