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ilikesexyparties

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ilikesexyparties
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 April 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 15874
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ilikesexyparties : she ain't got no legs

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ilikesexyparties's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

#2583409 (325)

I agree, your life sucks (42455) - you deserved it (5429)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by canadiankc (man) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

#1250127 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (34193) - you deserved it (11289)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

#978628 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (90230) - you deserved it (6654)

On 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425 (668)

I agree, your life sucks (402948) - you deserved it (26906)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

#859604 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (54970) - you deserved it (134477)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40707) - you deserved it (114334)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043 (392)

I agree, your life sucks (245212) - you deserved it (32782)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

#644123 (229)

I agree, your life sucks (66618) - you deserved it (11017)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (159991) - you deserved it (24638)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (75038)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

#438513 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (58662) - you deserved it (20668)

On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

#379796 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (44305) - you deserved it (25476)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

#368302 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (54657) - you deserved it (35090)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (129977) - you deserved it (18461)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (13894) - you deserved it (58597)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)