About ihpp : I like to read FML.com and play video games. And paint on canvases.
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ihpp's favorite FMLs
Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML
by porkers gonna pork :\ / 03/12/2016 at 10:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by notonthepavement / 02/15/2016 at 6:04am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML
by Talis / 01/12/2016 at 8:24am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML
by crb25453 / 10/15/2015 at 1:07am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 12:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Nucleus / 10/08/2015 at 9:48am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Health
Today, I decided to hang my $200 cocktail dress outside for faster drying after hand washing it. I learned that it dries much faster when torn into several pieces, courtesy a stray dog that randomly appeared at my house. FML
by Shanarie / 10/05/2015 at 11:40am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/03/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Health
Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 6:22am / Australia / Love
by Anon Y. Mous / 10/02/2015 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML
by WolfAvenge / 09/30/2015 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Spinster / 09/30/2015 at 1:26am / United States (Colorado) / Love
by DSCC / 09/27/2015 at 11:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/22/2015 at 5:54pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love
- Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my… Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I… Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle…