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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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iheartjustinsane

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iheartjustinsane
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 20 August 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2262
  • Number of comments : 166
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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iheartjustinsane's favorite FMLs

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

#12187825 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (31722) - you deserved it (4027)

On 07/29/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068 (348)

I agree, your life sucks (12502) - you deserved it (49202)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

#12080410 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (19148) - you deserved it (2280)

On 07/24/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by earths_venus - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

#12061995 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (25440) - you deserved it (2716)

On 07/23/2010 at 9:18am - animals - by areyouserious (woman) - United States (Texas)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

#12049676 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (23951) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/22/2010 at 7:14pm - love - by coffee_princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

#12042807 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (23234) - you deserved it (3057)

On 07/22/2010 at 10:48am - work - by GuardOtto - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730 (331)

I agree, your life sucks (19322) - you deserved it (35306)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

#12027756 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (38239) - you deserved it (4059)

On 07/21/2010 at 4:31pm - love - by highlandgirl10 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

#12022109 (247)

I agree, your life sucks (20953) - you deserved it (2584)

On 07/21/2010 at 9:52am - health - by blank - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (30488) - you deserved it (2660)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

#11966338 (277)

I agree, your life sucks (22105) - you deserved it (12814)

On 07/18/2010 at 5:47pm - misc - by anonmys - United States (California)

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocks on the door and introduces himself with a smile, says he wants to know my 'schedule.' I reply that "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he retorts, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

#11960471 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (364) - you deserved it (12160)

On 07/18/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by holly (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

#11935766 (209)

I agree, your life sucks (17382) - you deserved it (30636)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

#11873804 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (13568)

On 07/14/2010 at 11:17am - intimacy - by safetyfirst (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

#11848419 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (7748) - you deserved it (25152)

On 07/13/2010 at 9:41am - health - by E or - United States (Oregon)