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Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19992) - you deserved it (7526)
On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)
Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18263) - you deserved it (1962)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19149) - you deserved it (10418)
On 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24818) - you deserved it (3214)
On 03/15/2012 at 10:21pm - love - by spermbankonlegs (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25258) - you deserved it (3168)
On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8674) - you deserved it (27750)
On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (4338) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (17235) - you deserved it (2625)
On 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24783) - you deserved it (2428)
On 10/11/2011 at 11:34pm - misc - by FroggyGirl888 - United States
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (8460)
On 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm - love - by Andrew - United States (Florida)
Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25222) - you deserved it (3745)
On 10/03/2011 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25222) - you deserved it (3745)
On 10/03/2011 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19382) - you deserved it (2087)
On 10/02/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by scared (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML
I agree, your life sucks (23825) - you deserved it (2089)
On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20945) - you deserved it (5505)
On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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