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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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ieatmopwho

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ieatmopwho
  • Town/Country : chicago, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 February 1984 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 346
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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ieatmopwho's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

#2174572 (221)

I agree, your life sucks (45823) - you deserved it (17708)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:52am - intimacy - by rice_cake (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

#2059220 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (58406) - you deserved it (1882)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

#2009053 (704)

I agree, your life sucks (120445) - you deserved it (28815)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (15214) - you deserved it (82665)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (53244) - you deserved it (5240)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

#1487468 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (71021) - you deserved it (6092)

On 04/30/2009 at 11:11am - health - by buymeadrank (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

#1068348 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (113542) - you deserved it (4810)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, I was working out out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

#697920 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (15934) - you deserved it (53424)

On 03/30/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Mark (man) - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

#697390 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (54665) - you deserved it (2829)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (14495) - you deserved it (64607)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (65185) - you deserved it (14216)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669 (323)

I agree, your life sucks (95914) - you deserved it (16564)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

#99945 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (64908) - you deserved it (5578)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by not getting any anymore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

#4489 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (53348) - you deserved it (4062)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:53am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

#4463 (58)

I agree, your life sucks (48692) - you deserved it (1793)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Jack - United Kingdom (London)