iced_diamonds

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iced_diamonds

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 442
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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iced_diamonds's FML badges

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iced_diamonds's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

by plzdontclapme / 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my first party, hoping to maybe meet some people. I was there for 4 hours, and the person/thing that I interacted most with was a cat. FML

by haileypaige123 / 02/06/2012 at 10:32am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

by Anothernametaken / 11/18/2011 at 7:22am / United States / Work

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

by targe / 10/19/2011 at 5:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

by candymansvan17 / 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

by whatnot / 08/04/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

by roze198765 / 08/03/2011 at 9:19pm / United States / Animals

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids