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i_eat_you_now's favorite FMLs
by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 2:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
by StormSeason / 10/29/2012 at 8:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
by linn / 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML
by orgasmsareoverratedanyway / 09/25/2012 at 1:42pm / Norway (Nordland) / Intimacy
by myself / 09/20/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
by dharp7 / 11/16/2011 at 12:23am / United States (California) / Love
by Username / 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm / United States / Intimacy
by seriouslybored / 06/17/2011 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk.… Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted… Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do…