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Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23330) - you deserved it (6429)
On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23330) - you deserved it (6429)
On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19747) - you deserved it (1727)
On 09/17/2011 at 2:56am - misc - by ironik970 - United States (Colorado)
Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28993) - you deserved it (16913)
On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26800) - you deserved it (2263)
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30791) - you deserved it (2409)
On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30791) - you deserved it (2409)
On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21581) - you deserved it (1972)
On 08/27/2011 at 3:45am - health - by sad child - United States (New York)
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (36784)
On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States
Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (13574)
On 08/26/2011 at 7:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22354) - you deserved it (4147)
On 08/21/2011 at 2:23pm - animals - by xXangelaXx - United States
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5434) - you deserved it (48240)
On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5434) - you deserved it (48240)
On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was going to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. As I leaned in, closed my eyes, and was about to kiss her, she pushed me away and said, "Not with that pimple on your chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26921) - you deserved it (4606)
On 08/06/2011 at 9:08am - love - by pimples - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33279) - you deserved it (2258)
On 08/05/2011 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Creeped_out_n_stuck (man) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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