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iNinjaAri's favorite FMLs
by Rapunzel / 03/18/2012 at 4:02pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML
by argh / 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
by amythest / 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids
by Anon / 02/11/2012 at 10:01pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous
by randomgirl / 01/07/2012 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by only 10 more hours to go / 01/06/2012 at 6:40am / United States / Intimacy
by plantfood / 01/06/2012 at 12:47am / United States / Transportation
by louise / 01/05/2012 at 2:35pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, I was having a rough day and decided to go out for a walk at 1 a.m. to clear my head. I ended up being driven home by two cops, who thought I was prostituting myself at the truck stop. When we arrived, they had a nice conversation with my parents. FML
by D / 12/04/2011 at 2:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by robincakes94 / 11/29/2011 at 7:42am / United States / Work
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…