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  • Number of visits : 1447
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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iNinjaAri's page activity

Visits<b>sCrEaMiNgToAsT</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 6:05am

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iNinjaAri's favorite FMLs

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

by ihateveganism / 08/22/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 10:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

by yarhyun1 / 08/19/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML

by yoggabe / 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

by stupid_airbag / 08/13/2012 at 4:06am / Australia / Health

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 1:29am / Europe / Intimacy

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

by ohai95 / 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

by Embarrassed / 08/07/2012 at 3:48am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

by shastadoe / 08/06/2012 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML

by m / 08/04/2012 at 8:44pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

by pimpslaprequired / 08/03/2012 at 9:52pm / United States / Kids

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

by skrillexblewme / 08/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Transportation