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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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iJessX

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iJessX
  • Town/Country : Dublin, Ireland
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 March 1995 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 408
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About iJessX : Hey

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iJessX's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

#9068483 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (7534) - you deserved it (12575)

On 03/14/2010 at 6:50am - misc - by Hatty (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (13481) - you deserved it (7694)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I slid on ice and hit another car while driving to work. My car was totalled, and my leg hurt, while the other car had very little damage. Not two minutes later, the salt truck drove by, spraying the road. FML

#7275776 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (15861) - you deserved it (2011)

On 01/11/2010 at 8:43am - misc - by wrecked (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

#7275628 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (27080) - you deserved it (3828)

On 01/11/2010 at 8:25am - love - by krisx3ftw (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

#4899550 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (22586) - you deserved it (6640)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (16457) - you deserved it (27808)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

#4764898 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (31996) - you deserved it (1130)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by sunflowercake (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (14361) - you deserved it (46834)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (61166) - you deserved it (4233)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (40585) - you deserved it (11982)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

#4617560 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (11082) - you deserved it (34264)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (43539) - you deserved it (10410)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

#3981210 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (12414) - you deserved it (28845)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:43pm - animals - by emmey (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

#3957207 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (54527)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by grounded4life (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

#3949576 (157)

I agree, your life sucks (38303) - you deserved it (11002)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Mortified (woman) - Australia (Queensland)