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Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45508) - you deserved it (4022)
On 06/05/2013 at 11:08am - misc - by Thanks Honey (woman) - United States
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49647) - you deserved it (13477)
On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22812) - you deserved it (61407)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by acnecream - Finland (Eastern Finland)
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48660) - you deserved it (6866)
On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32906) - you deserved it (7075)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43311) - you deserved it (10462)
On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47123) - you deserved it (5771)
On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51944) - you deserved it (10799)
On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States
Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43221) - you deserved it (5452)
On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28653) - you deserved it (13589)
On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21374) - you deserved it (1887)
On 03/26/2013 at 5:17pm - animals - by whykarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31834) - you deserved it (3361)
On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20160) - you deserved it (36329)
On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -
Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36240) - you deserved it (2900)
On 02/06/2013 at 8:38am - love - by PokeWife (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41705) - you deserved it (3151) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version
Monday 17 June 2013
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