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hitmanoo

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hitmanoo
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 246
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hitmanoo's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11831) - you deserved it (32314)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24986) - you deserved it (2964)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

#18127858
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9878) - you deserved it (49838)

On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
689 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62483) - you deserved it (11821)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

#6712676
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8754) - you deserved it (27654)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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