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Offline (the 12/02/2016 at 3:04am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 757
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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hitmanoo's page activity

Visits<b>BoneCollector</b> - the 08/25/2016 at 1:38am<b>mas12806</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 11:18am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 7:46am<b>Alien8</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 1:41am<b>jgriff79</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 11:40pm<b>DrafteeSelf</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 9:06am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 5:31pm<b>tnlander</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 11:16pm<b>PremiumWhale</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 12:06am<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 6:03pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 11:44pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 10:50pm<b>N0tMatt</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 10:46pm<b>betweenwinds</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 10:04pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 8:20pm<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 7:32pm<b>DragonflyM</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 6:17pm<b>Zaketh2112</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 2:24pm

Fucked!<b>BoneCollector</b> - the 08/25/2016 at 7:38am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 4:51am

hitmanoo's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of hitmanoo's badges

hitmanoo's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

by Festivaler / 07/13/2013 at 3:14am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

by phatdaddy62 / 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

by loves the smell of burning flesh / 11/01/2011 at 9:22am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous