About himoonkey : Derp
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Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18116) - you deserved it (1246)
On 04/24/2012 at 7:50am - health - by hottygirl905 - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15089) - you deserved it (8038)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5755) - you deserved it (18220)
On 03/05/2012 at 8:36pm - misc - by asdfBUTT (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23504) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18143) - you deserved it (15224)
On 12/10/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by godhatesme (man) - United States
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22787) - you deserved it (2663)
On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38606) - you deserved it (6349)
On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore
Today, I took a major test, worth half my grade, not realizing that there were questions on the back of the sheet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17243) - you deserved it (23740)
On 11/08/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22814) - you deserved it (11476)
On 11/06/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by XxFA1LxX - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14347) - you deserved it (36472)
On 11/04/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by me (man) - United States (California)
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34748) - you deserved it (2807)
On 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm - work - by EunJung - United States
Today, I found out that absentmindedly correcting my boss' use of the word "whom" could result in my immediate termination. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19805) - you deserved it (5778)
On 11/03/2011 at 11:44am - work - by LuckyLoser9 - United States
Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18079) - you deserved it (1474)
On 09/08/2011 at 2:34am - intimacy - by grossedout (woman) - Reserved
Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25397) - you deserved it (2574)
On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29470) - you deserved it (3454)
On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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