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heyooitsdevoo

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heyooitsdevoo

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  • Number of visits : 43
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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heyooitsdevoo's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (46940)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11897) - you deserved it (35076)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

#20049093
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27700) - you deserved it (2147)

On 08/30/2012 at 4:04am - misc - by freaked out - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29733) - you deserved it (5706)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21930) - you deserved it (2520)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
683 comments

I agree, your life sucks (696503) - you deserved it (55860)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (408776) - you deserved it (66930)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

#777672
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (168356) - you deserved it (30027)

On 04/03/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by lalanon (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

#703894
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (187997) - you deserved it (31140)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (235860) - you deserved it (14792)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

#251967
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181774) - you deserved it (13175)

On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (232037) - you deserved it (81185)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)



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