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Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5119) - you deserved it (33437)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20503) - you deserved it (1557)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:15am - kids - by BobsBabe2 - United States
Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22810) - you deserved it (951)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4144) - you deserved it (36207)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16708) - you deserved it (1362)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29832) - you deserved it (1467)
On 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm - animals - by AdamwithanA (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13958) - you deserved it (2216)
On 10/09/2012 at 1:39am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)
Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15766) - you deserved it (2868)
On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11789) - you deserved it (7865)
On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14506) - you deserved it (3267)
On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (4127)
On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20738) - you deserved it (2400)
On 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by whatswrongwithit?:( (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over 2 years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17451) - you deserved it (1363)
On 09/30/2012 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19762) - you deserved it (3399)
On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, it's my best friend's birthday. It's also the first year I've had her gift purchased, wrapped and mailed on time. The post office lost the parcel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14008) - you deserved it (1001)
On 09/29/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by carine13 - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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