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helloimnutt

Offline (the 08/19/2014 at 4:41pm) | Search for a member

helloimnutt

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 1 November 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 353
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About helloimnutt : I read FML daily, just for a laugh. I'm on the app most of the time, but you can still message me if you like! :)

Loyal Liverpool fan since I was 3. YNWA

helloimnutt's page activity

Visits<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 8:24am<b>alllisonnn</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 11:13am<b>coyotefox</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 11:34pm<b>EverestMelting</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 9:19pm<b>ArcticHumboldt</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 3:17am<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 11:38am<b>mets300</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 10:47am<b>R3TROxLOV3</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 12:22am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 7:40am<b>tacojauns</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 3:29am<b>Crash7777</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 6:30pm<b>lmfaowhatever</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 12:28pm

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helloimnutt's favorite FMLs

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48471) - you deserved it (8058) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

#20823062
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55342) - you deserved it (4313)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:11am - health - by mcdonalds - United States

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60825) - you deserved it (13798)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45399) - you deserved it (5931) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30238) - you deserved it (2703)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

#20461178
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (2591)

On 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm - misc - by Sydney - United States (Texas)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30663) - you deserved it (8774)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27077) - you deserved it (12835)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

#20167155
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26906) - you deserved it (1630)

On 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26131) - you deserved it (2139)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29636) - you deserved it (4513)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML

#20121395
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19645) - you deserved it (1778)

On 10/17/2012 at 7:00pm - kids - by Uproar - Iceland

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16083) - you deserved it (60856)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

#20091141
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (2632)

On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States



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