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helloimnutt

Offline (the 12/03/2014 at 6:51am) | Search for a member

helloimnutt

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 1 November 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 509
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About helloimnutt : I read FML daily, just for a laugh. I'm on the app most of the time, but you can still message me if you like! :)

Loyal Liverpool fan since I was 3. YNWA

helloimnutt's page activity

Visits<b>SuperDani</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 8:53pm<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 8:24am<b>alllisonnn</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 11:13am<b>coyotefox</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 11:34pm<b>EverestMelting</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 9:19pm<b>ArcticHumboldt</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 3:17am<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 11:38am<b>mets300</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 10:47am<b>R3TROxLOV3</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 12:22am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 7:40am<b>tacojauns</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 3:29am<b>Crash7777</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 6:30pm<b>lmfaowhatever</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 12:28pm

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helloimnutt's favorite FMLs

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36471) - you deserved it (6047)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

#21239720
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34184) - you deserved it (5688)

On 08/17/2014 at 12:40pm - love - by ugh thanks - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40932) - you deserved it (25777)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

#21191841
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42824) - you deserved it (4751)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50490) - you deserved it (14226)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40373) - you deserved it (9344)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41082) - you deserved it (8337)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41467) - you deserved it (12508)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (4932)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46339) - you deserved it (8722)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53328) - you deserved it (7933)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50329) - you deserved it (4052)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49168) - you deserved it (9121)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52478) - you deserved it (3301)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42350) - you deserved it (5396)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)



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