helen29

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helen29

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 2069
  • Number of comments : 72
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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helen29's page activity

Visits<b>TheJasonLi</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 1:35pm<b>SPN_lover666</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 1:43pm<b>CryosFear</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 1:11pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 11:26am<b>pkfire0</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 7:03pm<b>mantilla</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 6:24pm

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An insomniac or a creature of the dark

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helen29's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

by just great... / 02/22/2011 at 3:38am / Love

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

by Giggity / 02/21/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

by weezer / 02/21/2011 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

by mortified / 01/22/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 9:43pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

by grossedout / 12/08/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

by Deidle-dee / 10/26/2010 at 12:37pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

by Dumbdumb / 02/15/2010 at 9:29am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

by justme / 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm / Kids

Today, I was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three. They where all really fat and the lady was holding 2 boxes of pizza. I decided to roll down the window and scream "fatasses" as loud as I could while my cousin drove off. They were going to the same house we were. FML

by lauris1306 / 01/31/2010 at 2:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

by Fatlady43 / 01/19/2010 at 12:08am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

by funyfunkid / 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

by Duped / 11/27/2009 at 3:09am / United States (California) / Love