Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

heimdallr

Search for a member

heimdallr
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 691
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

heimdallr's last visitors

cnparks1990Waspinator1998martinez121797raphannemybluedreamKitastropheeePyroAngel1821Dracoboxer357IneffableLullabylmc94dlcj22

heimdallr's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of heimdallr's badges

heimdallr's favorite FMLs

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28037) - you deserved it (9218)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34818) - you deserved it (30430)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
494 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33481) - you deserved it (47498)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

#13485553
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31862) - you deserved it (5400)

On 10/17/2010 at 12:52pm - kids - by Lauren Smith - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
385 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57356) - you deserved it (7989)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

#10974262
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26944) - you deserved it (18330)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by xricardo - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34627) - you deserved it (3109)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59116) - you deserved it (2887)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my credit card number was stolen. The thief used it to purchase identity theft protection. FML

#6248047
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (2223)

On 11/10/2009 at 8:17pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

#5721676
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72574) - you deserved it (5307)

On 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
907 comments

I agree, your life sucks (329227) - you deserved it (35705)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

#91995
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43559) - you deserved it (2209)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - health - by trackgurl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: