Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

heimdallr

Offline (the 02/05/2016 at 10:58pm) | Search for a member

heimdallr

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1265
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

heimdallr's page activity

Visits<b>melons</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 5:37am<b>BrittanyChayanne</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 6:00am<b>WitcherBoi</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 10:06pm<b>edvin</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 2:22am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 2:04pm<b>cnparks1990</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 11:49pm<b>Waspinator1998</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 1:11am<b>RogueX7</b> - the 03/31/2013 at 3:01am<b>martinez121797</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 2:23pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 6:34am<b>mybluedream</b> - the 01/02/2013 at 4:37pm<b>Kitastropheee</b> - the 12/26/2012 at 2:54pm<b>PyroAngel1821</b> - the 12/26/2012 at 12:51am<b>Dracoboxer357</b> - the 09/12/2012 at 12:57pm<b>IneffableLullaby</b> - the 09/12/2012 at 12:29am<b>lmc94</b> - the 08/23/2012 at 8:36pm<b>dlcj22</b> - the 07/17/2012 at 8:58am<b>kyleekay</b> - the 06/13/2012 at 2:00am

heimdallr's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of heimdallr's badges

heimdallr's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

#17578977
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39574) - you deserved it (2882)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

#17279085
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17712) - you deserved it (32702)

On 07/27/2011 at 12:35pm - kids - by buiuuum - United States (Michigan)

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

#17123749
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42476) - you deserved it (7704)

On 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37558) - you deserved it (12050)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41493) - you deserved it (33341)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
489 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38225) - you deserved it (52575)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

#13485553
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37318) - you deserved it (5983)

On 10/17/2010 at 12:52pm - kids - by Lauren Smith - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64657) - you deserved it (8738)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

#10974262
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34977) - you deserved it (25257)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by xricardo - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42140) - you deserved it (3700)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67174) - you deserved it (3409)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

#5721676
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80600) - you deserved it (5970)

On 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
955 comments

I agree, your life sucks (384440) - you deserved it (44119)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: