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heimdallr

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heimdallr

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 859
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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heimdallr's page activity

Visits<b>edvin</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 2:22am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 2:04pm<b>cnparks1990</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 11:49pm<b>Waspinator1998</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 1:11am<b>RogueX7</b> - the 03/31/2013 at 3:01am<b>martinez121797</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 2:23pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 6:34am<b>mybluedream</b> - the 01/02/2013 at 4:37pm<b>Kitastropheee</b> - the 12/26/2012 at 2:54pm<b>PyroAngel1821</b> - the 12/26/2012 at 12:51am<b>Dracoboxer357</b> - the 09/12/2012 at 12:57pm<b>IneffableLullaby</b> - the 09/12/2012 at 12:29am<b>lmc94</b> - the 08/23/2012 at 8:36pm<b>dlcj22</b> - the 07/17/2012 at 8:58am<b>kyleekay</b> - the 06/13/2012 at 2:00am<b>DeviousAngel</b> - the 05/07/2012 at 12:27pm<b>mnmolino</b> - the 02/20/2012 at 11:13pm<b>khaya</b> - the 01/25/2012 at 8:19am

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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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heimdallr's favorite FMLs

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46374) - you deserved it (6550)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48755) - you deserved it (6373)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

#20844068
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47961) - you deserved it (2741)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by iwannagotomiamitoo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

#20827779
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46283) - you deserved it (6203)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm - kids - by JuggaloSlasher15 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

#20786268
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44278) - you deserved it (32396) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58821) - you deserved it (3983)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7322) - you deserved it (32286)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

#20067454
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23753) - you deserved it (3408)

On 09/11/2012 at 11:08am - health - by Stevski (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

#19840064
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22847) - you deserved it (1648)

On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

#17839150
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31080) - you deserved it (15112)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Yuuucky (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

#17578977
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35864) - you deserved it (2581)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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