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heatherjay

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heatherjay
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  • Number of visits : 18566
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
515 comments

I agree, your life sucks (227071) - you deserved it (29232)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from my new job. She said to wear my suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to find everyone else wearing business attire and staring at me like I had lost my mind. FML

#520229
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20993) - you deserved it (60791)

On 03/21/2009 at 10:36pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

#508489
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46990) - you deserved it (32667)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by emilyxoxoxo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114745) - you deserved it (20783)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

#9514
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56863) - you deserved it (20109)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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