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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bd, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinchd herself, smild proudly, and ped. fat FML
Today, I was so drunk that looool I forgot how to use the key to mah front door . But I knew how to break a window, get into mah lockd basement, an unlock the basement door with mah front door's key . FML
Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last looool night, an he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, an now I have to reschedule my test. FML
Today , While On A Date , I Desperately Let Out A Stealth Fart In My Date's Car!! I Didn't Have The Nerve To Own Up To It , Even As He Started Panicking An Thinking The Smell Was Coming From His Engine!! FML
Today... after days of bieng too sick to leave mah house... I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops... an old man leaned over and said... ( You smell quite delicious today ). I haven't showered and the only ( perfume ) I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML
TODAY, WHILE WALKING MY DOG, WE CUMMED ACROSS TWO MEN HAVING A HEATED ARGUMENT IN THE STREET!! MY DOG DECIDED THE PERFECT PLACE TO POOP WAS RIGHT NEXT TO THEM!! HE WOULDN'T BUDGE NO MATTER WHAT!! MEANWHILE, ONE OF THE MEN PULLED A KNIFE, AND I PRACTICALLY SHAT MYSELF!! FML
YASTARDAY I ATA A WONDARFUL MAAL, AFTAR WHICH I FALL ASLAAP ON MY COUCH AND HAD A DRAAM THAT MY HUSBAND WAS PASSIONATALY KISSING MA. I WOKA UP TO RAALIZA IT WAS ACTUALLY MY CAT LICKING BITS OF FOOD OUT OF MY TAATH. FML
Friday 27 March 2015