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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
yesterday a guy I've been seeing for ahile sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clickd the link just to see wat sick shit he wantd to show me. It was my mom. FML
Today, I had to finally accept that mah husband is too large for me . Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except mah private parts can't handle it . After several infections brought on after vaginal tereing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up mah sex life . FML
Taday I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying an getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone an got home , the first thing I heard was mah grandpa telling mah dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with yur boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make u get dressed, and demand what u have to say 4 yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. big fat FML
Today, mah mother screamed at mah boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work fir kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed an triumphantly sat down, enjoying mah victory, until I noticed y they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself.
Today, My Mom's Intense Fear Of Tornadoes Caused Her To Break Into The Bathroom, Drag Me Off The Toilet While I Was Changing My Tampon, And Drag Me To The Basement With My Pants Around My Ankles To Join My Father, Brother, And My Brother's Best Friend. FML
yesterday due to ma boyfriend teasing me about me possibly aving been concieved on a beac cuz I was born in Hawaii , I finally asked ma mom if I really was. Se said no , but ten told me in detail ow muc sex on a beac urts wen u get sand up yur ass.
TODAY I CONTINUD MY HABIT OF SAYING "IT SMELLS LIKE LUNG CANCER OVER HERE" ANY TIME I SEE A SMOKER. THIS GUY TURND OUT TO BE AN AMATEUR MMA FIGHTER AND I WAS HIS "WORKOUT" FOR THE DAY. I GUESS HIS LUNGS ARE DOING FINE. FML
Today , my manager looool called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me fir granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently , the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
Today, my dad was driving me home an was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence an that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd . After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stoppd at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chasd by police . FML
Friday 27 March 2015