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harrypotter955's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
harrypotter955's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML
by stargirl / 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by shit / 07/07/2011 at 3:43am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML
by raebelle / 06/02/2011 at 1:32pm / United States / Health
Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
by scarlet / 05/09/2011 at 11:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
by Amy / 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
by -_- / 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 1:15pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 3:09am / France / Animals
by Randall / 01/25/2011 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health
- Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her… Today, after asking my manager how his day was going he explained that he stopped drinking and was… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to…